The Chocolate or the Nut?

I'm back!

As most of you know, June 13th I was to be heading back to Africa. Spiders and dirt STILL filling the crevices of my two jumbo sized suitcases (from my last trip) and still stuffing the bags full of things on the way out the door (it all came together a little fast) my African journey continued. The plan had been to hook up with a professional photographer in Uganda later that week that had offered to do pro-bono work for GCM but in true “this is my life” fashion… two days before the trip, they bailed. Well, bailed sounds harsh. They “changed their plans and left me out of their new ones”. J She felt the trip would be to dangerous and that it wasn’t for her. Which is totally fair, and I understand her concern. HOWEVER I was to be on a plane in 48 hours to meet her.
Suddenly I was confronted with a new reality, I needed a miracle and the trip hadn’t even started. Where, what and in which country would I be working in this month?? But not only that, I had the choice, would I let this steal my joy and ruin my week? A project that was high on my excitement list and a friend to travel the country side with had just be erased from my day book, now what?
As I putted through the airport an hour before departing LA I got my answer. Nothing, NOTHING, can steal my joy.
It was one of those moments where I realized just how much my happiness is not founded on my circumstances, or if I have or haven’t a plan in front of me, I get to laugh through the roughest of times. So crucial to be reminded how much happiness comes from the fact that I am loved . Completely loved. And because I am so ABSOLUTELY ridiculously loved, I in turn give my life to love and trust- worry free.
Now I can’t really say I was doing cartwheels down the moving side walk between gates 101-102 BUT it was the neatest feeling that I have trouble putting words to. I was just so… content. And with my life in total limbo without a clue as to what awaited me upon arrival, I was just so solidly HAPPY. Lol. Now, I still have a long way to go in this adventure of living with absolute joy no matter what I’m confronted with but in that moment I remembered that I am so stable and satisfied, simply because I am rooted in Love. Lol. His love.
Ha. Seems like such a small insignificant piece when I think about what I’m embarking on… child soldiers in Congo, trafficking in Kenya but if it matters to me, it matters to him! And if you can’t get joy when a “job falls through” how are you suppose to get joy when the rebels come… JK! Ah ha… ha… But seriously it’s gonna be a good summer.
As of right now the “plan” is: Uganda in June, Kenya for July and DR Congo in August. Focusing on training kids and leaders, super focused on searching for justice and hopefully implementing mercy (aid and relief) AND developing a new photography project with Congolese street and village kids. On the side I’ll also be taking writing courses online for personal development and such. SO busy times ahead… J

And finally, as I sit waiting for the shower still DISGUSTING from travels, I look at an oversized bag of trail mix as an alternative to beans and rice for lunch, and I get to decide,
Chocolate or Nut?
Joy or sadness?
Passively accepting what’s in front of me or actively pursuing the freedom I know is available for myself and others?

Sometimes we forget how impacting our "inner yes" really is. ;)


(p.s. – besides cashews I’m not a big “nut” fan but rather a firm believer that they should increase the amount of M&M’s in the standard trail mix. ;)